When we are feeling emotional it’s important to allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling. Repressing grief often leads to depression and repressing anger generally leads to rage. You may feel scared that you will never be able to stop, if you take your foot off the breaks. But emotions do calm down when they are released, although they may have to be revisited, for example, grief comes in waves that reduce in intensity over time.
It’s very un-English to show our emotions and most of us prefer to do that in private, but emotions affect everyone and can connect us together rather than separate us. Showing vulnerability usually increases connection and is necessary to achieve intimacy.
Being emotional is not weak, it is a natural response to a situation of loss, happiness, our boundaries being overstepped; we grieve because we love. We may be anxious because we have lost certainty.
In fact, there is strength in feeling our vulnerability and emotion if we let it pass through our body rather than desensitizing and shutting down, we stay present. Shutting down to protect ourselves, blocks our ability to feel good as well.
Expressing emotions is a release valve. We can feel relief especially if we do that in a responsible way, taking ownership of the emotion, rather than blaming someone else (projecting it onto them). There is also strength in showing our emotion in public because it gives others permission to do the same. And we can connect through our vulnerability rather than when we are armoured. When we allow our emotions to flow we are open to experiencing the higher emotions of joy, love, empathy, compassion and grace as well.
FOR FEAR / ANXIETY
- Feel the fear. If your body is trembling, let it tremble. Animals do this, when they escape their predators. Make the shaking bigger. Put on some drumming or dance music and let your body shake for 15 minutes. Include the whole body even the head (gently). Barefoot in a garden or park is even better. If you have kids do it together.
- Do some wild dancing to your favourite dance music to burn off adrenalin.
- Go for a sprint, or run if you can, or run on the spot. Do some other exercise.
- Walk bare foot on the earth, even if it’s cold, this will bring you present. Lie on the earth if it’s dry & sunny and feel the sun on your face.
- Write a list of everything that you are afraid of to make it conscious.
- Bring yourself present through mindfulness – noticing what you can see, feel, hear, touch and taste.
- Meditate and pray and call on the Divine for support and illumination.
- Cry – backed up adrenalin is often released as tears.
- Don’t stay isolated and miserable – Get out of the house if you can. Talk to someone on the phone if you can’t. (Samaritans: Tel. 116 123)
- Reparenting is a vital life skill. Self-parent yourself – talk to your scared child self as kindly as you can to calm your nervous system.
- If you have a cat or dog stroke it. Cats are said to absorb negative energies. If not stroke a soft piece of fabric or caress your hands, arm or face.
- If you can’t sleep put 2 tennis balls in a sock under the round of the back of your head, before it goes down to the nape. Do this on your bed instead of a pillow for 15mins or however long feels comfortable then replace the pillow and go to sleep.
- Go into nature if you can.
- Resist the urge to numb out with drugs, alcohol or comfort food and do something that brings you joy instead.
For releasing anger
Beat some pillows, scream into a pillow, do an angry ranting dance (safely).
Speak to a counsellor about what is making you angry. Which boundaries have been overstepped? What injustice are you fighting?
For sadness
let yourself weep, it’s very emotionally cleansing to have a good weep so you stay present and available.
IF YOU ARE FEELING MORE EMOTIONAL THAN YOU CAN COPE WITH, MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH A COUNSELLOR OR PSYCHOTHERAPIST (ONLINE if necessary).
OR CALL THE SAMARITANS: 116 123
CALL CHILD LINE: 1800 666666
Contact CLIO COUNSELLOR AT WILD DIVINE: 07916167214 clio@wilddivine.co.uk.
I hope this helps
Love
Clio